the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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