dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
