If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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