You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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