I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
