i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
