Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
