I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
