i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
