I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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