sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
