He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
