I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
