Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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