3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
