So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
