Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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