On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
