fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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