You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
