i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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