Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
