I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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