So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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