I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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