Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
