Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
