HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
