This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Houston, we have a squirter
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
