Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have fence marks all over my body
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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