there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
