Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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