Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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