she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
