I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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