Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
