Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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