so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
