I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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