so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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