Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
