So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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