Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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