mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
