She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
