it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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