mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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