Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
