If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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