The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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