xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
