Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
