Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.