I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
