so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.