Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is wine microwaveable?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well