i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dating After Heartbreak
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed