Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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  (323): Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy. http://tfl.nu/msnn
  Replies (39) Good night (5636) Bad night (1643)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.

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  (803): if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market. http://tfl.nu/j5i5
  Replies (15) Good night (757) Bad night (3615)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

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  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (30907) Bad night (2598)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash

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  (708): Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash http://tfl.nu/zsge
  Replies (6) Good night (3497) Bad night (1113)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?

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  (937): What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out? http://tfl.nu/ji4n
  Replies (33) Good night (1194) Bad night (7486)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner

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  (908): His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life. (732): sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner http://tfl.nu/i1p0
  Replies (26) Good night (1505) Bad night (5814)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.

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  (613): I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while. http://tfl.nu/jj3x
  Replies (5) Good night (2210) Bad night (877)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.

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  (315): I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry. http://tfl.nu/6f2v
  Replies (3) Good night (2889) Bad night (956)
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  (626): View more from California

  I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

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  (626): I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner http://tfl.nu/0q4j
  Replies (4) Good night (4008) Bad night (1001)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.

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  (+61): Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you. http://tfl.nu/q4u2
  Replies (13) Good night (2230) Bad night (683)
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  (661): View more from California

  Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.

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  (661): Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me. http://tfl.nu/rph6
  Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (514)
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  (347): View more from New York

  She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.

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  (347): She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina. http://tfl.nu/bvik
  Replies (2) Good night (508) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..

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  (714): It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it.. http://tfl.nu/n2jv
  Replies (1) Good night (677) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.

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  (207): Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg. http://tfl.nu/550i
  Replies (3) Good night (648) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records

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  (703): Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records http://tfl.nu/vyxa
  Replies (3) Good night (408) Bad night (178)

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