Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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