I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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