sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
