I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
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you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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