what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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