Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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