I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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