Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
