I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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