Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
