I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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