JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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